So people keep telling me that I need to focus on the positive, not my fears and concerns about birth. I know this is true, but that’s easier said than done. So in an attempt to think positively about this, I’m going to write about what my idea birth plan/experience would be, and try to work on visualizing that as I wait for Morgan to decide she’s ready to come.
What do I want, really? It’s pretty simple. I want to have Morgan naturally, without any drugs to slow either of us down. I want to push her out, have her handed to me (I’ve never experienced this) and get to hold her, and look at her. I want to have the opportunity to nurse her within the first hour of birth, and see that “awake, aware” newborn moment that supposedly happens right after birth.
So what does my ideal birth look like? I don’t know. I don’t really care as long as I’m able to do it. I would love to have a fast (even if intense) labor, preferably without back labor. But honestly, I can handle the back labor as long as I fully dilate and feel the need to push. I’ve done it before, I can do it again.
I see things starting mid-day, and getting intense pretty quickly. I would like to be able to labor at home as long as possible because just being in the hospital makes me nervous and slows things down for me. Ideally I would get to the hospital just in time to get the antibiotics I will need for GBS, and not much sooner. I will be able to walk around and move, without an IV pole attached to me. Maybe get in the shower for a bit. Bounce on my ball. I want to remember to say to myself, “open” over and over … I like that image. I need to relax, and allow my body to open and do what it needs to.
Ideally, I will feel the need to push and just let that happen as it feels right. No laying on my back in stirrups while people count at me, no thank you! Just stand, squat, on hands and knees.. whatever feels right and will get the baby out. I don’t want to forcefully push, I would like to just let my body push the baby out on it’s own.
When she’s born, I want her placed on me, cord still attached. I want it left untouched until it stops pulsating, and I picture Jeremy and I just taking the time to look at her, and feel the emotions that will come flooding because she is here, and she is OK.
In the end, birth is unpredictable and there is no telling how things will happen, and what will feel right. I’m going to concentrate on thinking about a positive experience .. and the end result. I want to remember to trust my body and believe that it is capable of giving birth naturally.
34-35 weeks, now .. not long until it’s time to meet Morgan. And I want to spend these last few weeks picturing a positive outcome for all of us.