Hello Second Trimester…


I know, it’s been forever since I’ve updated this blog. I honestly wanted to come back and write about Gavin’s birthday, and just how difficult that was for me. But it seems like such a daunting task to come unleash all of that pain. And to be honest, it’s been easier to just avoid it.  So I’ve been myself permission to come blog about my pregnancy, and when I’m ready, I will write about Gavin’s birthday. Maybe by the time December 19th gets here (the day he gained his wings) I will be more ready to open up and share.

So, I’m in the second trimester already! Wow! I’m 14 weeks. It’s gone by pretty fast honestly. My energy is back to normal, nausea is gone and I started feeling the baby kick this week.

We had our NT scan several weeks ago, and it was negative. I wish I could jump up and down and say we are in the clear now but that’s just not the case. At least I can say we don’t have to worry about Downs and Trisomy, with my “advanced maternal age” and all. Oh, how I hate that term!

At the NT scan, the ultrasound tech gave me a picture that has a pretty clear shot of the typical “hamburger bun” you see with little girls. That was way early, so who knows .. but I’m hoping at my appointment and ultrasound on November 7th, they might be able to peek a tell me what they see.  I will be 15+3 .. so it’s likely. I know with Alex, they told me to be thinking about boy names around 15 weeks .. and sure enough, they were correct. So I can hope!  I’m getting serious little girl vibes. But I don’t know how much of that is me wanting a different gender from Gavin. Something in me thinks it would be so much easier and less stressful for me to have a girl this time.

Otherwise, we are plugging along and doing well. I’m showing way more than I ever have before at this point, and I fully blame that on having two babies back to back. My ab muscles must still be shot – I know my c-section scar is still numb in spots, I have just not had all that much time to heal. So I look pretty pregnant already and really need to buy some maternity clothes. Stuffing myself into my regular stuff is not pretty – and all of my maternity stuff from last year is summer stuff. I am very much looking forward to not being pregnant over a summer, for the first time!!

Emotionally, I think Jeremy and I are doing as well as can be expected. We can’t help but be nervous at times. On the other hand we are both excited and hopeful. We don’t believe God makes mistakes .. and this little one happened when we were not trying, and honestly shouldn’t have been able to stick around without the help of progesterone (which I chose not to take) .. but it has. So we are both optimistic this is our rainbow baby. Some days I feel like  real nut job because I’m so freaked out over germs and not putting anything dangerous into my body. I’m like a walking hand sanitizer factory and you will not catch my anywhere near a deli meat, I’m scrubbing my veggies and fruit like  mad woman, etc. The other day I had a headache so bad I was nearly in tears, and finally broke down and took 1 tylenol.  I hate being this way – but after Gavin, we understand the risk of contracting something is very, very real.

Speaking of contracting a virus that could have injured Gavin .. we are currently waiting for Dr. Dobyns in Seattle to review Gavin’s MRI. Dr. Dobyns is THE guy to go to about lissencephaly .. he’s both a neurologist and a geneticist. Most of the research written about liss is by him. I contacted him several months ago to see if he would review Gavin’s MRI and medical records and give his opinion. To my delight, he responded right away and said yes. He’s even speeding up the process since I’m pregnant. He’s got all of the medical records, and his assistant told me last week he is in the process of reviewing everything!! I’m nervous as can be and so anxious too! He should be able to tell us if he thinks Gavin had a syndrome, or infection. I’m on pins and needles and hope we hear something soon. We are so blessed to have this opportunity – many people wait YEARS for him to review their MRI, and he is doing ours within a matter of weeks.

I’ve got to run cook some breakfast for my boys. Then we are off to the pumpkin patch to get our pumpkins today. Can’t wait to spend this beautiful fall day with my two favorite guys. 🙂



About candace7676

After a healthy pregnancy, we had a baby boy born last September with a rare brain malformation. His name was Gavin, and he was with us 10 short weeks before he gained his angel wings. We are now pregnant again and a crazy mixture of excited, scared and hopeful. This blog will document our journey to a rainbow baby after loss...

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