Monthly Archives: September 2011

9 weeks – and when to tell?

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I’m now 9 weeks pregnant, or in my 10th week (it’s so funny how different sites calculate it different ways). I’ve known about this pregnancy for just over 5 weeks now, it’s actually gone by very fast.

I’m sick as hell most days, and actually throw up all or part of a meal about once a day. I’m already showing – and although it just looks like I’ve put on weight, it’s really that everything in my abdomen has just decided it remembers how to look pregnant and is going to just go right back to that state. I swear, it’s not bloat and it’s not baby – everything has just like moved upwards and it’s not a pretty sight.
We’ve seen the heartbeat, so far everything is going well and to be honest, at the point where we will be able to find out that it’s NOT going well, I’m going to be already showing.

So when do we start telling people?

We’ve already told family and friends, the people that are there for us, that we knew would support us through another miscarriage, etc. But I suppose it’s getting to be about time to tell the rest of the world, extended family, friends we don’t see often, etc. I’m thinking I will send out some texts and maybe post on Facebook after our next appt – October 6th. We will have another ultrasound then, and instead of a blob I should be able to share a picture that looks something like a baby.

I guess what I dread most are the questions once we tell people. Because of Gavin, instead of being happy for us, so many people are instantly curious. All of a sudden those private things we don’t ask people, are just fine to ask us.

“Did you plan this pregnancy?”  “How will they monitor the baby?”  “What will you do if it’s brain does not develop correctly?” … and on and on.  No offense, but it’s not like we didn’t think about these things, and to be honest, I may not really feel like sharing with you my plans. This is an emotional journey, and we need support, day to day our feelings and plans change. We don’t exactly know .. this is a walk of faith.

The majority of my friends and family have been simply wonderful. Crying tears of joy, praying with us and for this baby, and rejoicing in this new life.

Gavin’s 1st birthday is next Friday. I’m already feeling so emotional about it, happy and sad, and more than anything, missing him so much my heart aches. I know he’s watching over us, over his little brother or sister and that gives me comfort. But what I wouldn’t do to hold him one more time, hug him close and just BE with him. That is the hardest part, by far.

So 9 weeks pregnant … going to announce this baby to the world in about 2 weeks. Next Dr. appt is October 6th, and specialist appt at UAB October 17th.

Yes, there IS a baby in there.

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Yesterday I had the joy of having an early dating ultrasound, and my first OB appointment of this pregnancy.

It’s almost surreal going back to Shelby Baptist – just about one year ago I gave birth to Gavin there, and our lives changed forever.  Every time I drive into that parking lot, I get little flashbacks. Pulling into the “in labor” parking spot, all of those hours of back labor while I moaned (ok, let me be honest, screamed) and Jeremy and Kaleigh took turns putting pressure on my lower back. Eventually a c-section (just what I was trying to avoid) and the birth of Gavin. Life changing event that was just shy of one year ago.

At 8:20 yesterday, Jeremy and I drove into that very same parking lot, and I saw it on his face too. It hurts still, there is no way around it. Once inside the doctor’s office, we went straight to the ultrasound room. Unfortunately, this tech was not aware of our situation, remembered us from as year and asked how old our baby was now.  Luckily, I’m an old pro at answering that question, and it does not even bring up much emotion in me. I told her he would be almost a year old, but is an angel and only lived 10 weeks. Always a great way to start off a convo, since whoever asked that question automatically starts apologizing. It really is ok, we are used to that question, I promise.

So the ultrasound tech hands me the wand and says “insert it like a tampon” … uh, yea right. Last time I checked tampons are not large plastic wands, this thing looks more like… well, use your imagination. Right away she measures the gestational sac and shows me the yolk sac. Then she finds the baby, who is literally nestled down in the bottom. The tech was joking and saying the baby had made a cozy little bed down there. We saw the heartbeat, 123 beats per minute. Baby measured 6 weeks 5 days.

I knew there would be a baby in there. I’m too sick, bitchy and exhausted for this to be anything else but a viable pregnancy. My fear is not IF there is a baby in there, but how this baby is going to develop.

So then we see Dr. Head, who I simply love to death. Of course we get a bit of special treatment because of Gavin … he is going to hold our hands through this, and I can not thank him enough for that. He is going to give me an ultrasound each time I have an appointment – yes, to check brain development, but also to put my mind at ease.

We are also going to see a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist at UAB. My first appt with them is October 17, and I will know more. I did talk with the department yesterday, and they already knew me. A genetic counselor got on the phone when she heard it was me .. turns out she had met me in the hospital with Gavin, and knew our history, etc.  She confirmed that there is nothing they can genetically test this baby for .. but also let a little info “slip” – she was reading the geneticist’s notes and said he thought it was open and shut infection .. but had to counsel us about other risks.  We knew it looked like infection, but didn’t realize genetics felt so strongly in that direction. For some reason, that gives me comfort.

My next appointment is October 6th, ultrasound then Dr. visit. I’m due April 28, 2012.  There IS a baby in there, and this process is out of our hands. We must have faith, and I do.

Our first OB appointment is almost here .. finally.

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Who knew time could move so fast, yet also so slowly .. at the very same time!

On one hand, I’ve got Alex and time is moving at light speed. I swear this kid grows taller and more mature every time I blink. He’s in 3rd grade now and we are busy, busy! Between school, homework (3rd grade is NO JOKE), after school activities and still finding time to have fun together .. our days are pretty packed.

But on the other hand, time is barely creeping along. After the morning rush, I’m often left on my own in this quiet house with plenty of time to think. Not always a great thing when you have early pregnancy hormones and lots of what-if’s to ponder.

So our first major decision of this pregnancy was to chill the hell out, and not have any early blood drawn. We knew we would not supplement with progesterone, and wanted this pregnancy healthy all on it’s own, or let nature take it’s course.

It’s been over 3 weeks since I found out I was pregnant, and yes, as far as I know I’m still pregnant. As recent was last Friday I had doubts and pee’d on a pregnancy test. I felt like a fool when the test line came up before the control line, and was 2x darker. Yes, I’m pregnant.

It’s also been 3 excruciatingly long weeks waiting for our first ob appointment. We could have gone in earlier, but chose to wait and see if I kept this pregnancy on my own. It looks like I have, and our ultrasound is this Thursday, 8:20am.  I really have no doubts we will see our little jelly bean on the screen, heartbeat flickering away. My nerves are more wracked over learning about the testing they will do and how this pregnancy will be managed.

I’ve done my research. I know most of what will be recommended .. and yet, there is something bout hearing it from my Dr. Confirming “the plan” and knowing that yes, he will agree to a zillion ultrasounds, fetal MRI, testing for everything under the sun possible, etc. And I know he will .. I even know what specialist he will send us to at UAB .. but I guess I just need the confirmation. I can’t freaking wait to get to our appointment on Thursday, and feel like we are not in this alone.

Thursday, I can’t wait for you to get here. I will be 6w6days. It can’t come soon enough. The flood gates will open, and after this appointment we will be in for one wild ride of frequent ultrasounds, blood tests, procedures and more tests. Bring it on, I’m so ready. If nothing else, it makes me feel more in control of this process .. and as much as I’m trying to let go, and give up control (because who are we kidding, things are either going to be ok, or they are not!) I am looking very much forward to Thursday.

Look for an updated entry after our appointment.